Repression
by Incensio Lady
Summary: Derek knew how denial and repression could effect people, and yet he had still done it for so many years. Slash. MorganReid.


Title: Repression

Pairing: Morgan/Reid

Warnings: Slash

Disclaimer: God I wish! But no.

Summary: Derek knew how denial and repression could effect people, and yet he had still done it for so many years.

* * *

Derek rested his head between his knees.

Fuck, just Fuck.

He could profile himself well enough to recognize his behaviour. The string of women, none lasting, he was searching, searching for the one who would make him feel something for her.

Her, the important word, because he never had felt anything for a woman, but there was something, denied and repressed that he had always felt for men.

Derek sighed, he'd seen what denial and repression did, how it effected people, and yet he'd still done it for so many years.

It was Reid who had broken his denial, tall, thin, awkward angles, hair falling in his face. Derek was in love with him before he even knew what it was.

It was months before he had admitted it to himself, it had taken Reid, on his knees with a gun to his head for Derek to admit it. He had spent that weekend in his living room in a catatonic alcohol haze.

At work the next day he could barely look at Reid, because everything he had hidden, everything he had repressed had just come rushing back and he wasn't sure he could control himself.

As experienced, as confident as he was with women, Reid scared the shit out of him.

And, no matter how hard he tried to hide it, people were noticing. Gideon watched him like he would a suspect, JJ and Elle kept glancing at him and Reid, Reid just looked confused.

Derek jumped when someone knocked on the door. He stared at his hands for a few moments before pushing to his feet. Derek lent heavily into the wall beside the door as he opened it.

His heart thudded as Reid fidgeted on his doorstep. He stared at Reid's constantly twisting hands.

"I…I wanted…I wanted to talk to you."

Derek shifted on his feet, still unable to meet Reid's eyes, but he stepped back a little and allowed him to enter.

They stood for a few long moments in the hallway, both studiously not looking at each other.

Reid finally looked up from his hands.

"You won't look at me."

Derek's gaze came up from the floor but his eyes still didn't meet Reid's and he remained silent.

"There must be a reason."

Derek cursed himself for not being more careful, for all his naivety, Reid was a brilliant profiler.

God, Reid was so close, it was hard for Derek not to touch him. Derek's entire impulse control was screwed, he had to clasp his hands in front of him to make sure he wouldn't reach out.

His mind ran through a thousand responses to Reid's statements, but nothing worked. Everything that came out would just make things worse.

Derek kept his eyes focused on the wall behind Reid.

"You're still not looking at me." Reid frowned. "What is it about me that you can't look at?"

Derek's heart clenched at the insecurity in Reid's words but he still wouldn't meet his eyes. Reid's frown turned into a scowl.

"What have I done wrong?"

"You haven't." Derek finally answered with a sigh.

"Then why can't you look at me?"

Derek smiled, Reid was a brilliant profiler, but he was so clueless about relationships. Then the smile drooped, he didn't have an answer to Reid's question that wasn't the truth. Reid was fidgeting as he waited, but his gaze was firmly on Derek's face.

Derek sighed, he wasn't getting out of this. Derek unclasped his hands and met Reid's eyes for the first time in weeks.

He stepped towards Reid and laid a hand on his shoulder.

"Because when I do, I want to do this." He leant forward, his other hand sliding into the soft strands of Reid's hair and pressed their mouths together.

It was everything kissing a woman had never been and everything he had always hoped to find.

He could feel Reid's stubble against his lips, a strong shoulder under his hand and his nostrils were filled with an uniquely male scent that he couldn't get enough of.

But it only lasted for a moment before he stepped back, his hands falling from Reid's body, opening Reid's path to the door. Reid's face was locked in a surprised mask as his eyes dropped back to the floor.

"I'm sorry." He moved further away from the door.

He waited to hear hurried footsteps and the door close but instead he felt a presence behind him and after a few seconds the light, hesitant touch of Reid's hand on his back.

"What if I don't want to leave?"

Derek's gaze shot up as he turned.

Reid's smile was a little shaky as he stood there and even Derek's hand was a little skittish as it came up to cup Reid's cheek. Derek's smiled wider as Reid's eyelids fluttered a little at the contact and he leant into the touch. His thumb traced the outline of Reid's lips and he felt Reid sigh.

"Then you won't."


End file.
